With the holidays around the corner, many of us are going to be connecting with family and friends .

If you are still looking for that first job out of college, you’ve been laid off, or nearly desperate to get out of a miserable job, this can be an especially difficult time of year.

Part of the reason it’s so hard is that nothing that goes more to the core of who we are and how we see ourselves than our work. And, of course, asking others about their work or their job hunt, is natural!

But I want to suggest you resist the urge. If you haven’t personally looked for work in a while you may not realize that job hunting is emotional exhausting. It’s filled with rejection, and causes even the most confident among us to question our skills and abilities.

When you ask someone how a job search is going, or what their plans are, it’s like saying “I know we haven’t spoken to one other in a year, but I’m going to ask a question that brings out the deepest, darkest fears in your life right now.”

What You Can Say To Someone Who Is Looking For Work

Do me a favor, do my clients a favor, do my university students a favor and try something different this year. Here are some ideas for things you can ask about instead:

  1. What’s one of your favorite memories from the last year?
  2. What are you doing for fun these days? I need some new ideas!
  3. Do you remember that time when we…”What a blast!”
  4. I was just thinking about you. I really value how (sincere compliment here).
  5. I always enjoy talking you – tell me something I don’t know (shout-out to my dear friend Al DiLeonardo for this one!)

Ask one of these questions and you might actually get beyond the usual small talk. At the very least you’ll be taking someone off the spot and giving them a chance to breathe. They will appreciate it and you!

​​Happy Holidays!


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